Sunday, January 18, 2009

Competitive Basket-Hockey-Golf-Calisthenics

I may have lost a competitive Basket-Hockey-Golf-Calisthenics game. I'm not sure; rules changed every three seconds, the 5 year old was sure of the outcome and happily declared she had won the match. The 5 year old is one of our favorite short people, and belongs to the class of children known as Emergency Broadcast Children, but that's another story.

Apparently, the 5 year old is named: She-has-an-unbelievable-amount-of energy….will-she-ever-slow-down…NOW-what-is-she-doing!

We believe that's her given name, because whenever her parents talk about her they do two things:
  1. Quickly twist their heads about to possibly catch a glimpse of the blur they believe is their 5 year old daughter.
  2. Say her aforementioned name
For ease of use, we can call her, 'Evie'.

Here is an unre-touched transcript of the actual Basket-Hockey-Golf-Calisthenics game.

Evie: Ok, first, first, first … um …. you hit the ball through there - in the goal BUT you can't hit it with the stick like this …. you MUST hit it slower than me …..
Me: Ok.
Evie: I get a point.
Me: How? (I realized I had much to learn about the game)
Evie: Now, we'll … um … we'll place the ball here and you have to hit ….
JuJu ... Stop It...STOP IT (to her older sister, Juliette, aka JuJu) …

- - - - - -

We go to commercial break while my worthy competitor, Evie, and her older sister, Juliette, carefully and thoughtful discuss who is allowed to play the game. Their mother has to intercede the gentle and civil discussion only three times.

With only minor gnashing of teeth, we return from commercial break.

- - - - - - -

Evie: OK…. Um ….. you can't stop my ball from getting the goal, but I can block yours.
Evie: (with out doing anything) I get another point, I'm leading by 5 points now.
Me: ??? (Apparently, my strategy is to stand around and wait for Evie to score more mystery points.)
Evie: Can I have some water?
Me: (Thinking: A-Ha! My big break! While she is distracted by using both hands on the "big girl cup", I can be assured a victory of the game)
Evie: (Apparently aware of my plans) I don't want any water, anymore.
Evie: I get another point.
Me: ??? (Apparently, I'm still flawlessly executing my strategy of standing around and waiting for Evie to score more points)

The rest of the evening continued this way until we had run out of points; apparently Evie had won all of the points "in the entire world". During the post-game press conference, I was careful to mention that Evie "came ready to play" and "wanted the win, more then me"

But I'm not worried about this loss, there will be more Basket-Hockey-Golf-Calisthenics competitions –

When that happens, I'll be ready. (Evie! Look! Over there! It's Mickey Mouse!)

(c) 2009 b shaw