Saturday, September 8, 2007

Blackberry Anonymous

Periodically, you may see me at a Starbucks before work, sipping my latte, business-section of our local paper tucked under my arm, reading my Blackberry, apparently doing something high-powered and important. Not true. I'm really surfing the internet, looking for info on the latest gadgets, checking scores on ESPN, playing Sudoku, or other not very important nor high-powered activities.

Sometimes my colleagues, also at the same Starbucks, see me "diligently working", which causes them to start "diligently" reviewing the contents of their Blackberry, apparently something high-powered and important. In reality, they are doing exactly what I am doing ... surfing the internet, playing games, and other not very important nor high-powered activities.

Warning! Not suited for children under 85
Graphic scenes of Blackberry Addiction

If you have an addiction prone personality, don't get a Blackberry. Really, don't do it. The Blackberry addiction is why we Blackberry junkies call them "crackberrys". The Blackberry addiction is a secret and dark world, known only to other "berry-heads". Sometimes, you may hear us use certain code phrases to other junkies like, "I'm going out for some 'juice'. Do you need some?" In the world of Blackberry junkies, this means, "Lets get 'juiced' on our Blackberrys".

Frequently, you can find us behind dumpsters of even the most prestigious firms, shaking in the cold, typing on our Blackberrys, mumbling to ourselves. It's sad, really. Don't let those pinstripes fool you, even the most respectable looking professional can be an addict crying out for help.

Is someone you love a Blackberry Addict?

If you suspect that one of your family members may be a 'berry-head' there are certain tell-tale signs you should monitor.
  1. Watch how they handle small objects in your house. Do they grab these objects with both hands and repeatedly tap the object with their thumbs? This is particularly true of small pets and children. Does this behavior seem to be subconscious, as if the berry-head doesn't realize he or she is doing it?
  2. Listen for phrases indicative of a Blackberry addiction. For example, you may ask that the 'berry-head' call you on your phone; the berry-head my slip and say, "Sure, I'll "PIN" you".
  3. Look for physical effects of the Blackberry addiction. Check the tips of their thumbs. Calluses on the thumbs don't lie. Little "Johnny Professional" is really little "Johnny Berry-head".

Help a berry-head become free from the pain

Next time you see a 'berry-head' on the subway/tube/metro/bus getting their "juice", that is, getting their Blackberry fix, help them. Such flagrant public use of a Blackberry is their cry for help. It's your moral obligation to knock the Blackberry to the floor and stamp on it.

You will be doing them a favor. On the outside, they may be turning red and shouting, but on the inside, they are very grateful that someone cares; they are relieved someone has freed them from the addiction.
Public Service Announcement #20
Sponsored by the Blackberry Freedom Foundation

(c) 2007